So I’m standing on the subway platform this morning staring across the tracks at the advertisements as I await my train. What I see are ads trying to convince me that the perfect gift to give my loved ones this Christmas is scratch-and-win lottery tickets.
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!
I can see that scenario unfold now…
On Christmas morning, my wife and I will pack the car up with gifts – the ones that weren’t open the night before at my family’s home since we celebrate on Christmas Eve – and we will make our way over to my inlaw’s house where they anxiously await our arrival in their Christmas best P.J.s.
Gifts are exchanged, my wife gives me something really cool and personalized that she poured a lot of thought and effort into and I hand her my gift to open. She opens it to reveal a pile of scratch-and-win tickets.
“You’re kidding right?” she will say – and rightfully so, “there’s more right?”
When she realizes there isn’t more, she will force out a “Thanks”, peck me coolly on the cheek and toss the tickets aside ‘inadvertently’ into a pile of wrapping paper that is ear-marked for the trash.
“But, but dear!” I don’t really call her dear, “you could potentially win a thousand dollars a week for the rest of your life!” I will say mustering up as much enthusiasm as I can.
Nothing else will be said for the rest of the morning, LITERALLY! We will finish opening the rest of the gifts and sit and have our traditional Christmas breakfast together, only she won’t be talking to me, and her family will be looking at me as if I were a dead man eating.
Now I don’t see a problem with getting some lottery tickets and throwing them in a card for someone’s birthday, or giving them as a gift to someone you hardly know or barely like…but as a Christmas gift?! Even I’m not that cheap or lazy…and I’m pretty cheap…and definitely lazy!
Besides, be honest…do you REALLY hope they win? Have you thought about that? What if they DID win? What then? Would you EXPECT them to share? What if they DON’T share? Can you be OK with that?
This does give me an idea though…
The Setup: I figure, that if I buy Christmas, birthday, baby or housewarming gifts for roughly 20 people per year at an average price of $30 each; and I span that over 30 years and account for inflation, then I figure I will have spent roughly $30,000 on Christmas gifts in my lifetime.
My idea: From now on, anytime I need to give a gift, I will instead, give 3 chances to guess a number that I am thinking between 1 and 30,000. If the person guesses correctly, I will buy them a $30,000 car!
Wow! what a gift! A 1 in 30,000 chance at a car!* You can’t beat that!!!
* Odds are higher than 1 in 30,000 since I will reserve the right to change my number everytime I give the gift.
What are you thinking?