So, we’ve covered the Escalator Rule; I’ve told you what you should do when subway doors open; I’ve touched upon the proper use of ATMs; and I’ve introduced you to the affliction known as HSB; all in the hopes of educating you on proper commuter etiquette.
Today, I’d like to tell you about one of the lowest forms of commuter life. If there was a commuter food chain, this creature would occupy the bottom link.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…the Door-dodger.
Door-dodgers are selfish, lazy creatures. They’re chameleon-like in that they look like you and me and they walk among us, easily blending in. The person standing beside you on the subway maybe a door-dodger. Someone you’ve known your entire life may be a door-dodger. Don’t worry, their affliction is not contagious. In fact, I’m convinced it’s congenital.
Identifying a door-dodger isn’t easy, but there are certain signs and symptoms you can look for.
Often, their hands are occupied. Either holding a book and reading as they walk; carrying a briefcase, bag or towing luggage; shovelling food into their disgusting mouths, or simply just walking with their hands in their pockets.
Now, keep in mind, these are just symptoms. If you see someone matching any or all of these descriptions, it doesn’t mean you’ve spotted one. In fact the only way you can be absolutely sure of a door-dodger sighting is if you see one in action…or more appropriately…in inaction.
You may miss it if you’re not paying attention, but the result will be clear. You’ll be walking in a crowd through the hallways of the transit system, or a mall, or any building for that matter; and you’ll approach a doorway. Normal people will move through the doorway, holding it open; or at least nudging it with an arm, shoulder or leg to keep it from closing on the next person.
Up to this point, the door-dodger is still brilliantly camouflaged and unperceivable to the naked eye, but then it happens…you may, or may not notice that the person in front of you will slip through the doorway just before it closes, without touching it, no nudge, no trailing foot holding the door a split-second longer, just a swift turn of the body, and a step through, avoiding contact at all cost as if touching the door or frame were going to send an electric shock through their body like a life-sized game of Operation.
With nothing to stop the door from completely closing in font of you, you have now been exposed to, or even worse, contracted the condition known as HSB.
Now you’re HSB positive, a common side-effect to contact with a door-dodger. You’re forced to stop, or at least slow down while you push or pull the door open so that the flow of traffic may resume. You have become witness to the door-dodger and if you’re lucky, you will have survived the encounter otherwise unscathed.
Those of us who have had the misfortune of coming into contact with a door-dodger are never quite the same again. We see what a socially debilitating condition it can be. What makes it worse, is that most door-dodgers don’t even realize that they’re suffering from it. They just carry on as if nothing is wrong…but it is…
It is very, very wrong.
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